Snooze button...again

I really dont enjoy waking up to my alarm, yet I know it is a necessity because I wouldnt wake up early without it. But its soo sudden and not a very peaceful way to wake up. For a while I tried waking up to music from my ipod but then I would just lie there and listen to my sweet beats so it defeated the purpose as an alarm. I ALWAYS press the snooze button, and lay there for at least 5 more mintues. I am far from what one would call a morning person. I much rather wake up on my own whenever that may be and be happy about it. Oh well you got to do what you got to do.



I am especially not enjoying that its getting to that time of year when it's dark outside when you wake up early. Nothing about that is fun. Oh well right now its my favourite season. I love pretty much everything about fall so hopefully I can put my self in a good mood by stepping on some extra crunchy leaves today.



On another positive note it was raining as I fell asleep last night and I love falling asleep to the pitter patter of rain on the house! :) lol



Im feeling in a comfort kind of mood, so Ill be wearing my yoga pants and sweartshirt today. Afterall today is my hell day. I am on campus for 12 hours. And 9.5 of those hours are spent in lecture. UGH. Jealous much?? Ya didn't think so, I wouldnt be either.

Quotes That Matter

So I was in the kitchen grabbing a glass of water and happen to notice two newspaper cut-outs on the fridge. They are each quotes that were printed in the paper as power thoughts for the day. Here they are:

"When you feel incapable or unable to fulfill the task believe in yourself and discover the power that is available to those who will search with all their might."

AND

"Worry never solved a problem, healed a broken relationship or brought a positive result. Worry is a waste of energy. Begin to speak words of confidence and assurance to bring life to a dreary situation."

I think both of these are phenomenal! They make you think about how to bring yourself out of the dumps and focus on the good opposed to the bad. Just little reminders we all need to think of ourselves as special, valued, and loved!

Thanks goes to my Mom for cutting out these nice little quotes! :)

Science Fiction = Not 4 Me!!

So I am taking this speculative fiction course that focuses on science fiction (when I enrolled in it I was not aware of its focus). Anyways I have to take it as it's one of the required courses since I am minoring in English.





Anyways I am reading this book We by Yevgeny Zamyatin. And apparently it is "the most influential science fiction novel of the 20th century".

Well I care to disagree. The book's setting is way in our future and everyone lives in this walled in world of glass. Everyone wears a uniform and they are identified by letters and numerics (ie. I-330, D-503). They follow the "Table of Hours" where every hour of every day has a prescribed meaning. Their ideal (according to their "One State") is when nothing happens anymore. AKA every action must be pre-conceived and planned. Now to me this seems way too out there and I just cannot understand how this can be influential when it is suggesting that it is better to be without a soul and without an imagination. Life without imagination, choice, and soul seems dull and boring. But maybe I am mis-interpreting it all together but from now on I'm going to stick to the classics!

But don't go by me! Give it a read yourself, because don't get me wrong it is interesting!

Procrastinations!

I am one of the WORST procrastinators you will ever encounter. I have always been like this. In elementary school when essays and research projects were introduced I would always wait to the last minute to begin. I can distinctively remember one year for our math fair I would do the project on my own. BIG MISTAKE. If someone else is involved that motivates me to get going! So I did my project on optical illusions. I bought my bristol board like a week before the fair (impressive I know) and did a little research. The night before the fair I have not put anything on my bristol board. Needless to say I didn't win a prize at the fair as I glued things on crookedly and didn't have enough info. You think this would teach me, but no, no that's not how I roll.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not what one would call a bad student, I always get my stuff in on time and I never fail, so kudos to me. But I am always up late the night before an assignment is due pulling together all the loose ends and making it presentable (this being the case last night when I had to do a book response :S).

Ooo I just thought of a prime example of my procrastination at its best. Last year I took a philosophy course that had essays due each month. Well I kept on putting off this one essay because I had other seemingly more important things to do. Well I wake up one Monday morning and begin getting ready for my 9:00 class. I happen to look at my calender and see my philosophy essay is due that day! *Gasp* Well I got down to work asap. I skipped my morning class and was able to finish my 4 page essay by 12 for my class at 12:30. YAY. Thank goodness the essay was just my own personal thoughts on Plato's something or other. And I even pulled off 70% on that paper, so not bad for the morning rush.

My excuse has always been I work better under pressure. But I know that if I started things earlier I'd be a lot closer to the potential genius within me that's waiting to escape! lol! I truly envy those of you who are able to commit to a project and get to it right away!!

PS: I even procrastinated on blogging as I got distracted! hehehe

My Warm and Fuzzies

I feel like thinking happy thoughts, and the best way to do that?? Think of the things that I love, those moments, memories, or whatever else that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! lol! So here they are:

1. Experiencing a moment when you think "I'll remember this moment forever". The moment doesn't even have to seem that significant, something a simple as hanging out in your friends basement and just having a really good time.

2. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts. It's true what they say, laughing is definitely the best medicine!

3. Singing along to a song you absolutely LOVE. Now I have to admit I usually only sing when I'm by myself, but I love it just the same!

4. Dancing like nobodies watching. I am a HORRIBLE dancer and I know it, but when I'm out with my girlies and we are having a good time I love to dance with my horrible dance moves, it feels exhilarating.

5. Completing a task and/or goal. This could be a ton of things, such as finishing a book, an exam, an essay, cleaning the house, paying off a loan, or loosing 5 pounds. I just like taking that moment and being semi-proud of myself for accomplishing something, no matter how small the task may seem.

6. Playing with puppies or babies. Who doesn't love puppies?? They are adorable fuzzy and cute (yes perhaps this one is a tad juvenile but puppies make me happy). And I love babies, I have two adorable twin baby nieces, a 5 year old niece, and a 2 year old nephew and I cherish all the moments I get to spend with them and do my baby talk and play with barbies, hot wheels, and dolls. I like acting like a kid again, even if it's only for a short while when I take a break from reality.

7. Looking at photos. I have come by my love for photos naturally, growing up my mother took pictures of everything and we have boxes upon boxes of photo albums! It's great to look back on all those times that have helped shaped you into who you are today.

8. Seeing a loved one after being apart for awhile. It just fills me with happiness to see a friend coming home from school for the weekend, or seeing my cousin after a few months. It just reminds me that no matter the distance we don't forget about each other and we are always there for one another.

9. Doing something (no matter how big or small) for someone else that brings a big smile to their face. I love giving, that doesn't necessarily mean gifts (after all I am a student on a budget), but lending a helping hand around the house, sending someone mail that may brighten their day, anything really, its fun!

10. Surprises! I LOVE surprises. From things like a surprise visit, from a friend, or a bouquet of flowers from the boyfriend. Its a reminder from those around you that they love you and care for you.

11. Meeting new people/making new friends. I am a shy person, and I know it, but that doesn't mean I don't like meeting new people. I like having lots of people close to me, it does take a lot of time and effort but it's worth it. To measure one's accomplishments should not be based on money and materialistic things but rather the people they love and have made a difference in their lives, those are the things that really count.

Well that's all I can think of for right now, plus I best be getting to my homework! Later! xo

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

So my one sister Rose and her kids have been living with us for a few weeks now because she is separated from her husband (this was a long time coming so I'm past the "I'm sooo sorry this is happening to you part) and I'm pretty much going insane. Rose is the type of person that shouldn't have had children, I think she only did it because she thought it was the next logical step. But she is way too self absorbed to be a mother and doesn't understand the concept of put yourself last. Don't get me wrong these kids have everything and are not hard done by. Anyways Rose is also really helpless and lazy so my mom and I have gone out of our way to help her in every way, while changing our schedules to accommodate her. Now one would think that when anyone at all helps you in any way you show appreciation?? Well apparently that's a tough concept for Rose.

She'll thank us sure, but no real show of gratitude. Now I'm not asking for a parade in honour of my efforts but at least to be treated with respect and perhaps (heaven forbid) even help out a little around the house (that HER children are making a COMPLETE disaster of). But NO, Rose sits around and watches my mom and I take care of HER children, and clean up after them, and discipline them, and wash dishes, and do laundry and clean. The way Rose thinks completely baffles me! I mean she makes big deals out of nothing, she gets upset and cranky way too easily with her kids, and I can do all of this and then some all while keeping my cool, and I'm ten years younger than her!

I could be being childish but I need to vent and this seems to be the right place to do it! Any suggestions on what I should do next??

Talk at u later! xo

Optimism??

What we need is a little more cheer, a little less drama, and no more pessimism. In today's society you are seen as optimistic if you believe you are going to make it through your day unscathed. Well I say its time for us to be happy again!

Of course there is always going to be negative things going on that you could choose to get bent out of shape about, but who is that going to help?? No one! Simple things like smiling do a WORLD of wonder! Smiling when you answer the telephone (the caller can tell I assure you!), smiling when you make eye contact with strangers, smiling to the cashier even when you are having a bad day, because odds are they know how you feel.

We all need to find acceptable outlets for our anger and stress, because bottling it all up and being a big grump is no fun for anyone! Make time for yourself and try harder to be happy! You deserve it and Im giving you permission to indulge!

Peace out bloggers!

Tears Don't Fix Anything..

My father has been an alcoholic for over 30 years. His alcohol intake increased significantly once he and my mom split and this past may he lost his job which pushed him further in this downward spiral. I've never been close to this man as he never made an effort to be part of my life, nor did he pay child support. Anyways at the end of July something "snapped" in him. After a days worth of drinking he got in his van and drove off, eventually wrapping it around a telephone pole. He miraculously walked away unscathed from the accident and went wondering. Eight hours later the police recovered him sleeping on someones front lawn in the neighbourhood I grew up in. The cops took him into the station assuming he was drunk and were just waiting from him to sleep it off. When this did not happen they brought him to the hospital.

My dad has now been in the hospital for over 7 weeks. He has a mentally disability that is easiest described as alcoholic dementia. He has no recollection of why he is there and believes there is nothing wrong with him. No matter how much I may say this man is no "Dad" to me he is still my father and he has been "present" throughout my life, well physically at least. The news of his situation reached me 3 days after he was admitted, and naturally I did not take it so well and began to blame myself for not being involved with him. I went to visit him almost everyday for several hours the first few weeks with my grandmother, but this did nothing but depress me and mentally drain me. My grandma is of little to no support for me because she is the type of person that believes this is happening to her and everything she has to say is "woe is me". Being strong for other people to lean on is an extremely tough position to be in.

Today I went to visit my father because a doctor was coming in to assess him so that my father could be placed in the system and be put on the waiting list for a nursing home. But my dad is a stubborn, combative man. He refused to talk to the doctor, claiming he was a spy and that no one was to be trusted. He then turned on me and blamed me for this entire situation. I held myself together well in front of everyone there and was commended on my maturity. But as soon as I drove away in my car the tears were streaming down and I was back to square one, blaming myself.

I've come to believe that crying is an emotional outlet, but it fixes nothing. Your problems are still there when you're through and on top of that you feel sick and unhappy. So my solution: take everything with a grain of salt. Tough it out. Life is a continuous lesson and we will continue to be tested everyday. With every problem I face I become a little tougher, and a lot stronger. I depend on me!

Life's too short for drama fellow bloggers! So live it up!

Fantastically Flawed!

I try to pride myself on the fact that I am a genuinely good person, Im caring, kind and considerate. I try to never judge others for who they are and I am as accepting as I can be. But as a teenager Im clearly exposed to the media and what they think we should all be.

Not everyone can have flawless skin, size 2 jeans, perfect hair, and that amazingly cute flirty personality, but many sure do attempt it. And I'm not going to lie, I have in the past tried to be someone Im not. But I only end up asking myself why? I'm never going to be petite, or look perfect all the time. Im 5 foot 9, and a size 8. I have blonde wavy hair that is often frizzy. I get the odd pimple and I love food! Do I wish I were thinner?? All the time! But in reality I am me, and although Im far from perfection I do try to love being me!

And all u bloggers out there trying to be someone you're not either to fit in or impress someone...STOP! The only person that needs impressing is u!

Newbie to blogging...my general life story

Well here I am sick at home looking for something to do and I come across a blogging site. So naturally I am drawn to create my own.

So I live at home with my 58 year old mom, who has been divorced twice and is now happily dating. Her first marriage was to a large alcholic, Paul, who would often become aggressive when drunk. But of course this side did not show up until after their nuptials. From that marriage she had two daughters Lynn, and Rose. Paul left her when they were 6 and 3, leaving my mom in the city with all her family back home. She was forced to become independant and strong (two attributes that I admire most about her).

She then entered the dating scene, and thats when she encountered my father, Warren. They dated for a short while, became pregnant with me, got married and moved in together. They were married for 14 years, not to say that all those years were happy. My dad is what you would call a dead-beat dad. He was also an alcoholic, but instead of aggression he was lazy and very uninvolved in life. So on their 14th anniversary my mom decides to break the news that they will be seperating due to the fact that my father had an affair. Naturally I did not take the news well. But within a year we had moved to our own townhouse and I saw my father on holidays and special occasions. Not that that was a huge deal.

I've failed to mention my relationship with my sisters (well half-sisters). I love them both and am especially close with the eldest, Lynn. Rose is your typical middle child, she's selfish and is dependant upon everyone around her. Rose has two children Blake (2 yrs), and Eve (5yrs). Lynn also kids, twin daughters Mae and Sydney (7 months), I adore them all.

So my life has not exactly been filled with luxuries or picture perfect times, but it has shaped me into the person I am today and I think that I've turned out alright.

Well peace out bloggers! Talk at u later! xo