Missed Connections

I realize I have been slacking hugely on the blogging. And I really didn't understand why. For a while I just had no words that seemed worth sharing. I started blogging as something constructive for myself. A personal therapy if you will. And it did help me. But then I got to a point where I realized life is just too short for complaining. I have taken way too many things for granted and I vow to end that here and now.

Life is never happily ever after. Sure happy lives are lived but they are never perfect, everyone has their own set of issues (no matter how big or small). I have been going around self-conciously pitying myself. I would look at everyone else life around me and wish I had their joy. But being envious is not going to get me anywhere. Sure I will always admire those people who are brimming with self-confidence and who seemingly have the world at their finger tips, but I do not wish to be them. I am me and that is all I can be. I have my problems and my life is far from perfect but things could be much worse.

I am thankful for so many things that outweigh all the negative in my life. Things like:
- the best mother in the entire world for me
- amazing friends that never pretend to know my pain, but instead comfort me and help me through the tough times
- my health, I am able to walk and talk and not have to worry about how much time I have left
- my family. Although they are quite crazy they make life interesting and far from boring
- an education. I have goals in life and one day I will fulfill them because I have been given the opportunity to go to university
- my experiences in life. I am stronger and wiser and will be able to face many more of life's problems because of my past
- me. I am thankful that I am me. I am a good person, and I don't need confirmation from anyone else. I am kind, compassionate, loving, giving, and strong. I do not regret who I have become because I am the absolute best that I can be

Life is never fair.

My mom has told me that from the start. Things in life aren't easy and things are rarely handed to you. Be thankful for what you have and stop focusing on what you want. Being comfortable in your own skin is more important than getting that "hot" guy to notice you, or wishing you were that "beautiful" girl. Life is a gift and every positive thing in it is a blessing. Difficult times make us stronger and give us the gift of being able to realize how lucky we really are.

Nothing should be taken for granted, life is too short for "what ifs".

I'm still alive!

I know I haven't posted in a while but I've been pretty busy. I had a few midterms and I survived them. I've also been making a conscious effort to do things for myself. I had made an appointment with a counsellor to help me through my tough times, which was a big step for me. Although it is a kind of unique counsellor, it's a free service offered through my mom's work and the person will be call me for the session, which will take place over the phone. I don't know how I feel about this but we shall see how that goes.

I have also contacted the secretary to the dean of students at school so that my professors may be notified that I am going through some tough personal issues and that my focus may be skewed for a while.

Lastly I am getting a tattoo. Many people have different reasons for getting tattoos and a lot of people are against them. But to each their own. I have always been intrigued with the idea of getting a tattoo but I didn't want to get some random thing that I thought was cute or pretty, I wanted to get something that meant a lot to me and that I wouldn't ever regret. Since my goal is to become a teacher I know that I have to appear professional.... so after great thought I have decided to get the tattoo on my upper back because it can be hidden quite easily.

My tattoo will incorporate 3 cherry blossoms, my Aries symbol, and the words Live, Laugh, Love.Each of those things are significant to me. First of all the number 3 is significant all on its own. It represents soo many things varying from culture to culture. But for me, I like the idea of past present and future. The past has helped shaped me into who I am today, and I have no regrets, I am who I am because of it, and my future is mysterious and unknown, but I am looking forward to it.

Next the cherry blossoms. I did a lot of research about this and found several different interpretations of the meanings. The one that resonated the most with me was the Japanese version of it where it talks of the brevity of life, and how precious it is. It's important to know that when you are going through tough times they will eventually end and you will be stronger because of it. I have always been interested in zodiac signs and such, and my Aries symbol has meant a lot to me throughout the years, so it was a no brainer to involve that in my tattoo.

And finally Live, Laugh, Love. I chose to add this in at the last minute. My mom has always loved this phrase and we have a few trinkets in our home the say it. But it truly is important. These are the things that are important in life, and to me. I want to live each day to the fullest, laughing will always be my best medicine, and there is no other feeling like loving and being loved.

For all these reasons and more this tattoo will be important to me. I am doing this for me. I am not doing it because other people have them or it is "cool". This represents a lot to me and to have it with me forever will just remind me of what I need to focus on.

I think I'm coming out of my dark stage, I'm thinking positive and I'm looking to heal myself.