My father has been an alcoholic for over 30 years. His alcohol intake increased significantly once he and my mom split and this past may he lost his job which pushed him further in this downward spiral. I've never been close to this man as he never made an effort to be part of my life, nor did he pay child support. Anyways at the end of July something "snapped" in him. After a days worth of drinking he got in his van and drove off, eventually wrapping it around a telephone pole. He miraculously walked away unscathed from the accident and went wondering. Eight hours later the police recovered him sleeping on someones front lawn in the neighbourhood I grew up in. The cops took him into the station assuming he was drunk and were just waiting from him to sleep it off. When this did not happen they brought him to the hospital.
My dad has now been in the hospital for over 7 weeks. He has a mentally disability that is easiest described as alcoholic dementia. He has no recollection of why he is there and believes there is nothing wrong with him. No matter how much I may say this man is no "Dad" to me he is still my father and he has been "present" throughout my life, well physically at least. The news of his situation reached me 3 days after he was admitted, and naturally I did not take it so well and began to blame myself for not being involved with him. I went to visit him almost everyday for several hours the first few weeks with my grandmother, but this did nothing but depress me and mentally drain me. My grandma is of little to no support for me because she is the type of person that believes this is happening to her and everything she has to say is "woe is me". Being strong for other people to lean on is an extremely tough position to be in.
Today I went to visit my father because a doctor was coming in to assess him so that my father could be placed in the system and be put on the waiting list for a nursing home. But my dad is a stubborn, combative man. He refused to talk to the doctor, claiming he was a spy and that no one was to be trusted. He then turned on me and blamed me for this entire situation. I held myself together well in front of everyone there and was commended on my maturity. But as soon as I drove away in my car the tears were streaming down and I was back to square one, blaming myself.
I've come to believe that crying is an emotional outlet, but it fixes nothing. Your problems are still there when you're through and on top of that you feel sick and unhappy. So my solution: take everything with a grain of salt. Tough it out. Life is a continuous lesson and we will continue to be tested everyday. With every problem I face I become a little tougher, and a lot stronger. I depend on me!
Life's too short for drama fellow bloggers! So live it up!
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2 comments:
oh my god :(
i'm sorry to hear that, but this brought a tear to my eye because my dad is also somewhat like that. not to that extreme as of yet, but he has been drinking for about 30 years too, and on a daily basis. in the past few years, he's become distant, and it's hard for me to accept because he was always a dad for me and i was very close to him, now we barely talk, all he wants to do is complain. (n) but you just have to hold yourself together, and not let others' life choices affect yours.
stay strong <3.
Awww thanks a lot for the support. And same goes for you just remember it is a disease and it's beyond their power now, cuz it only hurts us to get mad at what they've done.
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