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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Life as I know it

I have completely neglected my blogging and to be honest I have missed it. I definitely view this as a great way to ramble on about the goings on in my life.

It's 2009 and I can barely believe it. I'm hoping it's a good year, I'm planning to move out on my own :D, I'm celebrating a one year anniversary with the boyfriend, I'm turning 20 (eeek), I'm learning how to play the guitar and I'm working hard. Every year I toast and hope for a year better than the last, but when I think about it every year may have its faults but they also have some unbelievable moments as well.

Taking a glance back at 2008 a lot went down. I met the boyfriend, my sister had twins, I successfully completed my first year in university, I quit my crap job in retail and now work on campus for much better pay, I had amazing times with close friends, and learned even more about myself. OF COURSE it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. My dad was diagnosed with Korsakoffs and is now living in a nursing home for the rest of his life, my one sister became way to dependent upon my mother and myself causing tons of stress to our lives, I went through a couple bouts of depression and almost died from anaphylactic shock when my nurse gave me ten times the amount of serum in my allergy shot.

Over all I think I'm doing well. I'm proud of what I have accomplished so far and am looking forward to accomplishing all my goals. I no longer question who I am, because I know that I am a good person with a good heart and I don't need to be reassured by others to believe it. Life is a gift and I don't intend on wasting it.

Here's to a great year!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

2 blogs, 1 day..

Ya I'm feeling a bit ambitious today, but I am also making up for my horrible lacking of the posting.

Oh my goodness it is December and Christmas is approaching WAY too fast, don't get me wrong I love holiday cheer and all that jazz but this season is rather stressful. As a student my budget is pretty tight but my list for people to buy for is lengthy. And I love to buy that gift for someone that they will just love, but this seems to get increasingly difficult every year. My mom has gone to her classic "I don't want anything for Christmas, just a happy family" line. But I can't criticize her for it because that would be hypocritical.

This year I have not asked for anything, there just does not seem to be anything that I am in need of. I know this is frustrating for those who want to buy for me but I honestly cannot come up with anything that I want. Christmas has become such a commercialized holiday and that is sad. Just being with family, listening to the cheerful songs, and enjoying the general splendor and feeling that Christmas brings is enough for me. It is so much more than gifts and shopping, it is time to sit back and appreciate the life you have been given.

On Monday I went out and bought a cheap cardboard advent calendar with all the Disney princesses on it and I do quite enjoy it. Although everyone says I do the advent calender wrong. Most people eat a chocolate from box #1 on the first and box #2 on the second and so on, but I go the opposite way. I start at box 24 and count down so that I know how many days there are to Christmas, it just makes more sense to me that way.

Any who Tis' the season to be jolly and that's exactly what I'm planning on doing!! Good luck to all those Christmas shopping and decorating! xo

No Worry = Longevity

So I was reading the paper the other day and I came across an article about an 115 year old woman. In the interview she discussed how her husband had died in 1939 (omg) and that she had outlived two of her sons. When asked what her secret was to such a long life she simply replied "I never worried about anything". At first I considered this absolutely impossible but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Worry does not do anything, except make you sick.

From now on I am for sure making a conscious effort to avoid worrying because I want the longest life that I may be granted and I want to make the best of it. And all this reminds me of the saying "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Life is such a blessing and I do not believe it should be squandered. Make the best of every situation and be happy with who you are. I have finally reached a good place within myself and I wish everyone could see the good in life and in themselves. I love life, loving, and me and I will continue to grow and become the absolute best I can be.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Missed Connections

I realize I have been slacking hugely on the blogging. And I really didn't understand why. For a while I just had no words that seemed worth sharing. I started blogging as something constructive for myself. A personal therapy if you will. And it did help me. But then I got to a point where I realized life is just too short for complaining. I have taken way too many things for granted and I vow to end that here and now.

Life is never happily ever after. Sure happy lives are lived but they are never perfect, everyone has their own set of issues (no matter how big or small). I have been going around self-conciously pitying myself. I would look at everyone else life around me and wish I had their joy. But being envious is not going to get me anywhere. Sure I will always admire those people who are brimming with self-confidence and who seemingly have the world at their finger tips, but I do not wish to be them. I am me and that is all I can be. I have my problems and my life is far from perfect but things could be much worse.

I am thankful for so many things that outweigh all the negative in my life. Things like:
- the best mother in the entire world for me
- amazing friends that never pretend to know my pain, but instead comfort me and help me through the tough times
- my health, I am able to walk and talk and not have to worry about how much time I have left
- my family. Although they are quite crazy they make life interesting and far from boring
- an education. I have goals in life and one day I will fulfill them because I have been given the opportunity to go to university
- my experiences in life. I am stronger and wiser and will be able to face many more of life's problems because of my past
- me. I am thankful that I am me. I am a good person, and I don't need confirmation from anyone else. I am kind, compassionate, loving, giving, and strong. I do not regret who I have become because I am the absolute best that I can be

Life is never fair.

My mom has told me that from the start. Things in life aren't easy and things are rarely handed to you. Be thankful for what you have and stop focusing on what you want. Being comfortable in your own skin is more important than getting that "hot" guy to notice you, or wishing you were that "beautiful" girl. Life is a gift and every positive thing in it is a blessing. Difficult times make us stronger and give us the gift of being able to realize how lucky we really are.

Nothing should be taken for granted, life is too short for "what ifs".

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I'm still alive!

I know I haven't posted in a while but I've been pretty busy. I had a few midterms and I survived them. I've also been making a conscious effort to do things for myself. I had made an appointment with a counsellor to help me through my tough times, which was a big step for me. Although it is a kind of unique counsellor, it's a free service offered through my mom's work and the person will be call me for the session, which will take place over the phone. I don't know how I feel about this but we shall see how that goes.

I have also contacted the secretary to the dean of students at school so that my professors may be notified that I am going through some tough personal issues and that my focus may be skewed for a while.

Lastly I am getting a tattoo. Many people have different reasons for getting tattoos and a lot of people are against them. But to each their own. I have always been intrigued with the idea of getting a tattoo but I didn't want to get some random thing that I thought was cute or pretty, I wanted to get something that meant a lot to me and that I wouldn't ever regret. Since my goal is to become a teacher I know that I have to appear professional.... so after great thought I have decided to get the tattoo on my upper back because it can be hidden quite easily.

My tattoo will incorporate 3 cherry blossoms, my Aries symbol, and the words Live, Laugh, Love.Each of those things are significant to me. First of all the number 3 is significant all on its own. It represents soo many things varying from culture to culture. But for me, I like the idea of past present and future. The past has helped shaped me into who I am today, and I have no regrets, I am who I am because of it, and my future is mysterious and unknown, but I am looking forward to it.

Next the cherry blossoms. I did a lot of research about this and found several different interpretations of the meanings. The one that resonated the most with me was the Japanese version of it where it talks of the brevity of life, and how precious it is. It's important to know that when you are going through tough times they will eventually end and you will be stronger because of it. I have always been interested in zodiac signs and such, and my Aries symbol has meant a lot to me throughout the years, so it was a no brainer to involve that in my tattoo.

And finally Live, Laugh, Love. I chose to add this in at the last minute. My mom has always loved this phrase and we have a few trinkets in our home the say it. But it truly is important. These are the things that are important in life, and to me. I want to live each day to the fullest, laughing will always be my best medicine, and there is no other feeling like loving and being loved.

For all these reasons and more this tattoo will be important to me. I am doing this for me. I am not doing it because other people have them or it is "cool". This represents a lot to me and to have it with me forever will just remind me of what I need to focus on.

I think I'm coming out of my dark stage, I'm thinking positive and I'm looking to heal myself.

Monday, October 27, 2008

What's important?

I'm so conflicted right now, my personal family issues are taking over my mind. I cannot concentrate on school and I am torn between what I am expected to do. I had 3 midterms last week, and I didn't do anywhere near enough studying as I should have and I am worried that my marks are going to reflect that. I've already got one mark back and it was a 50!! I've never got that low of mark, EVER!

But do these mark REALLY matter? I mean does this mark actually dictate how intelligent I am, and does this class test my skills that I will need once I begin my career? No i don't think so.

So why am I so upset about this mark? Because I have been socialized to believe that marks reflect your intelligence and dictate how far you will go. I know I am an intelligent person, and I want to believe that I can achieve all my goals, but school has that possibility of holding me back, and I am terrified because I know I need school to do anything.

UGH yet when I am faced with all these family problems, I am able to see how much more important human suffering is over stupid marks and tests. I honestly wish the only thing I had to worry about was school, and then perhaps I could prove that I am smart. But alas with all the family problems I am unable to focus and I'm hurting all the time.....

I just don't know what I am supposed to do anymore....

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I am definitely against PDA. I don't mind couples holding hands or the random smooch. But please no making out and/or fondling in public. Seriously we get you are together now get away from me and get a room.

Honestly there is no need for it. If you can't keep your hands off each other find somewhere to do it where you won't be disturbing those around you. Because HELLO no one wants to see that! We get that you are a couple , congrats, now move on and let me continue with my day.

Any small show of affection is cute, endearing even. But over the top is completely unnecessary. What you do together is private and should stay that way, your relationship doesn't need to be flaunted around everyone else so you can tell them " He/she is mine".

Just because I'm passing you on the sidewalk or hallway does not mean I want your man, so rather than getting all up on him, try smiling and being pleasant, with any touching at a minimum.

K thx!
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